I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
