I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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