i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
