roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
