Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
someone get that fucking seahorse.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
