Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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