i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
