when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
