Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
