You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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