oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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