True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
