peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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