ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize