If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
