He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
