Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
