he was CRYING into my vagina
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
