the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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