If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
