I can text with my tongue
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
