I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
