i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize