There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
