Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize