His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize