everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
