my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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