Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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