Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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