she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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