Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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