put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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