Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
