You just made me feel so damn special
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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