He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
