Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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