Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
