So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
