I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
