yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize