Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
