The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
