That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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