you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
