god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
When are your genitals available?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
