Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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