dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
