when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
