3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
