You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize