So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
