She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
