i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Is it because I queefed?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
