Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
