so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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