we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
as a side note pls kill me
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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