i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
