I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
