just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
one might say we're banned from that church
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
