My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
