My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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