the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
