Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
