too bad you live with your parents still
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
