drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
