I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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