you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
