Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize