My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
