The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize