I must be too annoying 4 u.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
