every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
