hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
