New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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