I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
