i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
