So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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