I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize