I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
