i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
