after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
