Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize