Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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