I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think I won the penis lottery.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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