Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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