In the future we'll all be gay
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
