omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
