It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize