I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
