Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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