Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize