Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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