dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Less talking, more tequila
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
