i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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