i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
