Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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