so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
