TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
