Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
